Whenever the holiday season comes around whether it be New Years or Valentines Day or Halloween or Christmas, all I ever feel is hatred. It isn’t normal because while everyone else is so jolly and happy that it is a holiday, I just wish it wasn’t. To me, it is just another day, even worse than a normal day because places are packed, and everywhere is crowded with people. On top of that, places sometimes are closed and I have nothing to do. Perhaps I am really jealous of other people being able to celebrate holidays with such spirit. I always wish I could enjoy a Thanksgiving feast, or drink champagne on New Years (not really) but you know what I mean. I have never been able to truly celebrate a holiday and every single holiday doesn’t bring me good memories, but instead makes me more sad, jealous, and annoyed. I just really want to feel the holiday spirit. I swear, I am not bitter, but just jealous of people. Oh yeah, I also spent my Thanksgiving at work, crying, pissed, exhausted, tired at work, a place I hate with people I don’t even like. It was miserable. This is why I hate holidays. I just want someone to spend it with me and make at least one holiday meaningful and special. I just want my stupid New Year’s champagne and my Valentines Day chocolates and my turkey on Thanksgiving and a Christmas tree for Christmas :( Is it really that much to ask for ?
"I get jealous because I’m afraid someone is going to make you happier than I do."-Frank Ocean (via ditzylizzie)
1. When your friends ask you to hangout, and you don’t feel like it, don’t go. Don’t ever do things halfway or do something that makes you uncomfortable. With everything, give all of yourself, even the pieces you never knew existed.
2. It is okay to not know. Everyone always despises the phrase, “I don’t know” but no one tells you that it is okay to not know. The becoming is more important than the being, anyways.
3. If someone ever makes you feel less, in any way, you have every right to walk away. You have every right to cut out toxic people in your life. To close the door on people who make you feel bad about who you are or what you stand for. Friends don’t tear down, they build up.
4. Loss is always going to happen. Just like paint will always chip and rain will always fall, loss will always be part of life. No matter how much I don’t like it, or avoid it, it is going to walk my way at several times in my life. Learn to embrace it and learn to get closure.
5. Give yourself a chance. Stop saying, “I don’t think I can” or “But what if I am not able to?” and give yourself a chance. This may be cliche, but try to believe in yourself. When you get older, your knees won’t work the same and you won’t have the best memory, and you are going to wish you’d given yourself a chance years sooner.
6. Fall in love. Don’t be guarded before you fall in love. You could fall in love three times and still not find the right one, but none of it is going to make “the one” matter less. Don’t fall into that idea that your first love has to be your best love. Fall in love as many times as it naturally happens.
7. Firsts are going to be messy. First loves, first kisses, first dates, first failed tests, first college class, first time you drive a car, first time you ride a plane - first times were made to be imperfect. Just because it’s messy and all over the place, doesn’t mean it can’t be good or worthwhile.
8. You want another scoop of ice-cream? Go get it. Get three more scoops of ice-cream if that is what you want. “Fat” is not the opposite of beautiful and it is not the opposite of happy. Don’t let anyone tell you that your body type isn’t beautiful. Beauty is a social construct, create your own, become your own.
9. Let yourself be alone. Loneliness is not a bad thing. It is healthy and normal. Everyone needs to spend a good portion of their life alone. We learn who we are when we are alone; life is less crowded and more clear when we are alone.
10. If you aren’t happy where you are, change it. Quit your job, move, become a vegetarian, get a new hobby, pick up an old hobby, whatever you do - make sure it benefits you. Life is too short to not be alive, to not be passionate, and overflowing." -Amanda Helm - Ten things I learned before I turned twenty (via florida-sounds)
* I like my green jacket :(
I decided that I will try to post some more personal shit on my tumblr because I find it pretty cool to be able to look back and remember some random days in the past.
Today I actually woke up decently early (with the help of my alarm clock) to go eat boiling point with Suki and Cindy. We ended up waiting in Suki’s car, Jose, for a bit and finally had some catch up time while eating our spicy hot pot…darn spice. #canthandle. After that, Suki decided to leave us to go to school (the fuck) jk…and Cindy and I ran some errands which led us to buy lots of stuff. We promised we would stop spending so much money, but we obviously felt the need to purchase these items. So much driving today, but it was fun. I however did not have enough time to buy my red velvet cookies. Maybe tmrw… before work. Ugh I hate work.
Anyways, we are also planning a road trip and I am super overly excited. It seems far away, but I hope all things go well, and this trip is successful because we never really do much and this is our mini vacay from all this stress we have suffered these past months ! I cannot wait.. :)